Before we talk about when to say no, let’s take a look at why we say yes when we shouldn’t. Each person is different, but you might say yes because:

 

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1. You’re a people pleaser. It’s easier to say yes and suffer some pain working to accommodate people than it is to listen to their disapproval or disappointment in you.
   
   
2. You want the business. You make work a priority, and you’re willing to do almost anything to extend yourself. The word overextended doesn't occur to the person trained never to turn a customer away.
   
   
3. Your mother taught you to be nice to everybody. You put the needs of others ahead of yours, regardless of what it takes to fulfill their request. You say yes and then dread fulfilling the request.
   
   
4. You didn’t check your calendar. You only have so much time in your week (168 hours, to be exact). Be sure that when you move something new into the calendar, you take something else out.
   
   
5. You’ve participated in a certain activity before and assume you can do it again. Saying yes repeatedly can be a problem if you keep adding events without subtracting any.

What Are Your Red Flags?

For some people, saying no to a request is as hard as saying no to a slice of double fudge chocolate cake when they just started a diet. The first step in learning to say no is to recognize the red flags that signal over-commitment, such as the following:

• Your family complains that you’re too busy.
  
  
• Your best friend says, “You never have time for me anymore.”
  
  
• You’re the last one at the grocery store before it closes.
  
  
• You work from early morning until late at night with few or no breaks.
  
  
• You feel exhausted every day.

Time is Always a Trade-off

When you say yes to something new, you are saying no to something you already said yes to. Think about that. Time for that new activity must come from somewhere. I’ve met people who cut back on sleep and eating in order to cram another activity into their lives. When is enough enough? Only you can decide. Examine your schedule. Ask yourself why you keep adding to it.

Choose Your Yeses and Nos and Say Them Clearly

While it is empowering to say no, if you say it too often, people may stop asking you to join them. It’s important to know what matters to you. Then you can say an enthusiastic yes when you make a commitment and a clear no when you are unable to. The most dependable people know who they are and are clear about their “yes” and “no.”

When you say yes to something new, you are saying no to something you already said yes to.For example, you might say yes to your spouse and kids and no to people and events that interfere with family. Or, yes to Saturday mornings at home and no to work and training seminars that take you away on Saturdays. Or, yes to your favorite hobby and TV show but no to spending the whole evening in front of the TV.

Being overwhelmed can be a positive opportunity to get down to the basics of what’s really important and rebuild your life from there. All the other offers are easier to say no to or delegate because you now have to make the most of limited emotional energy and available time.

Seek to be as accurate and timely in your commitments as you can. Your goal is to know yourself and your schedule so well that you can give an accurate answer on the spot. Effectively say no and delegate to keep your life on track.

 

Excerpted and adapted from Marcia Ramsland's: Simplify Your Time: Stop Running & Start Living! ©2006, W. Publishing Group, a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee. All rights reserved. Copying or using this material without written permission from the publisher is strictly prohibited and in direct violation of copyright law.

 

 

About Marcia Ramsland

Marcia Ramsland is well known as "The Organizing Pro" for her practical skills and tips to manage busy lives. As a national speaker, author and consultant since 1985, Marcia delights her audiences from New York to California with tips and secrets to organize their time, home, paperwork and life. Her tips have been in Woman’s Day and other national magazines, radio interviews and TV. She can be reached through her Web site www.OrganizingPro.com, and her books can be ordered there.