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Pumping dirt is a great way to stay fit," coos the shapely leotarded housewife, while mopping in sync to the musical beat. "My body went from bulging and bulky to sleek, ‘clean’ lines."
Pumping dirt is the new exercise craze combining aerobics, calisthenics, weight lifting, and, yes, housecleaning. It's the practical way to clean up and trim down. If you want a lean body and a clean floor, try pumping dirt regularly.
"Yes, I want to be a lean, mean cleaning machine. How do I get started?" you ask.
Check with your doctor to be sure you're up to pumping dirt, then, given the OK, pick up some "exercise" equipment. You'll need a broom and a dust mop to stretch and warm up those tight muscles.
For your main workout, pick up a set of "weights": say, a 24 oz. string mop and for serious cleaning/pumping, a 32 ouncer (you can get mops of various weights at a janitorial supply house). Get a mop bucket and wringer for variety in your workout.
Next, don a leotard or sweat suit, lace up your running shoes, put on that recording of your favorite African tribal jungle music, and you're ready for pumping dirt.
First, warm up on the exercise floor (any floor in need of cleaning). With broom in hand, stretch your arms and push the broom forward to make contact with the floor, then pull back; lift and repeat (push forward, pull back); inhale, exhale. Fine. Now shuffle over to another spot and repeat, adding a little rhythm and increasing your speed. Good. Do your entire floor this way until all loose debris is in neat piles. Now, with knees straight, bend forward and sweep each dirt pile into your dust pan, stretching those leg muscles.
Moving quickly, bag your dirt, set aside your broom and dust pan, and grab your dust mop for the final warmup exercise. Thrust mop forward on the floor, swabbing and swishing dust away on traffic areas and under tables, bureaus, baby cribs, etc. By now you're fully warmed up, with a warm glow in your arms and legs and a song in your heart. Trot (advanced students moonwalk) your dust mop outside and shake it vigorously, alternating left and right hands (advanced students do simultaneous deep knee bends).
Set aside your dust mop, fill your mop bucket with water, drop on the wringer, pick out a mop weight you can comfortably "pump" (24 or 32oz.), gracefully plunge the mop in the water then wring (pump the wringer once to lightly squeeze the mop), then place the mop onto the floor.
Now that you're ready to mop and move — remember, exercise on a wet floor can be hazardous — take it slow until your "mop legs" are conditioned.
Now begin: swing the mop to the right, then to the left, push forward, pull back, keeping in rhythm to the beat of the music. Continue until your entire floor (and body) glistens with moisture, then repeat the plunge and wring routine with the mop; this time doing 5 vigorous wringer pumps to thoroughly squeeze moisture out of your mop. During the second mopping set, return to swinging, pushing and pulling with the mop, breathing deeply while swabbing up the water and dissolved dirt on your floor, and feeling the raw energy surge through your writhing body as you complete your workout.
Finally, cooling down, rinse and wring the mop, empty the mop bucket, put the equipment away, then inhale, raising arms, and exhale, lowering arms.
"I lost 10 pounds the first month and my floor has never been cleaner," declares another dirt-pumping homemaker. Working on flab and floor by pumping dirt regularly is the key to such success. If you're overweight or out of shape, stop wringing your hands and start wringing your mop — and join the growing health club of scrub.
You knew the disclaimer was coming: Exercise extreme care on wet flooring. Do not damp or wet mop unsealed wood or other non-washable flooring.
